I once heard that living with a mental disorder was like being a car on the freeway with a flat tire.

Growing up, my parents kept me away from therapists and psychiatrists, afraid their child would end up dependent on medication for the rest of their life.

Now that I’m older and dependent on medication, I don’t have plans to ever come off.

For 25 years, I was living with untreated ADHD and the comorbidity of OCD. For 25 years, I would fail again. My parents and teachers would berate me for my mistakes. Then, I took that off their hands.

There’s a grief to be had for the years of self-abuse conducted trying to fix my issues with a hammer.

The Sorry for Interrupting project began a decade ago, but it wasn’t until I started treatment that I felt comfortable releasing anything. Only then could I create a song that felt honest.

The creative process involved three primary functions:

1. To capture the genuine expression of my thoughts and feelings.

2. That my music can be manipulated, but it cannot be controlled.

3. My music can be a response to an audience, but it should never be a response for an audience.

After rattling off Closer 2, it was hard to find my voice. The songs I wrote thereafter all felt forced. They sounded good, but my heart didn’t agree that I was following rule 1 at all, and therefore I questioned whether I was actually even following rule 3.

Before the end of 2025, I finally received my Cantareel from Japan. I took my guitar into a local shop to get it attached.

It wouldn’t be finished for 3 months.

In the beginning of 2026, I was fired by my company.

The day after, my girlfriend broke up with me.

The day after that, my company threatened legal action against me.

The following week, I woke up to a voicemail from the police telling me a criminal investigation would be taking place and I should come to the station immediately.

All the while trying to navigate the healthcare system without insurance.

So much for being dependent on meds.

During this time, I listened to a laundry list of ambient albums from some of the greats: Brian Eno, Grouper, Steve Roach, Hiroshi Yoshimura, Tim Hecker, William Basinski...

Basinski’s The Disintegration Loops was especially influential to me, and the Hauntology genre as a whole.

After three months, when I finally took my guitar home and cranked the Cantareel for the first time, I noticed that the wheel wasn’t fully attached to the body. This created a consistent rhythm of rickety groaning.

However, I knew this would only last for so long before the whole wheel fell off – literally.

So, before fixing it, I took the Cantareel down to the lobby of my apartment complex and recorded a live performance.

They left most of the lobby untouched from when it was The United Bank Building; back in 1925. High ceilings and neoclassical, stone-faced architecture provided a churchlike reverb.

I spun the wheel around, hearing it squeak and moan trying its hardest to create sounds until finally the wheel snapped off and no more music came out of it.

And finally, I captured what it felt like.

Thank you for reading,

Sorry for Interrupting